The Life of an Urban Herbalist
A collection of musings and some articles with a more scientific approach.
According to the Centres for Disease Control in America 11.9% of couples experience fertility problems. That’s around 1 in 9 couples. It’s likely that this figure is actually much higher because, as with everything to do with reproduction, many people refuse to discuss it.
A Man or Woman with a plan.
When you’re in your late teens and early 20s when your hormones were rampant and your body was crying out to make a baby you were probably the one taking the sensible precautions and avoiding an unwanted pregnancy. An intelligent decision which many young people with unplanned and unwanted pregnancies should have considered.
In your 20s and 30s you had a career plan, a great life and a wonderful partner perhaps you decided to leave having a family till you felt you were in the right place, perhaps you had a family with your first partner and remarried now you and your second partner want a child together.
Now you are in your late 30s or early 40s and probably a high achiever. Your life and your heart are ready to receive a child but for some reason that longed for pregnancy isn’t happening.
Am I a failure?
As a capable man or woman who has probably achieved all their goals this sudden inability to achieve the pregnancy you so want, the element that will complete your almost perfect life, this comes as a blow. Often this leads to an understandable but incorrect sense of failure. It can lead to recriminations in a relationship and can lead to sadness and despair.
Men feel shame at being unable to get their partner pregnant. They may feel less manly and may become closed off or angry.
Women may feel they are failures as women. They may feel their womanliness is in question and that their bodies are failing them. In their late thirties or early 40s they realise that they may be moving into a peri menopausal phase and may feel prematurely and wrongly old.
The result may be that a couple stops communicating and it leads to an additional stress on the relationship. Perhaps the couple’s family make comments or jokes about when a hoped for little one might be announced and, because you don’t want to talk about the difficulties those comments result in not wanting to visit or host them any more.
“My husband refused to tell his family that he has no sperm. His mother now makes comments about my ‘failure’ to get pregnant every time we see her and I feel belittled and resent him for exposing me to it.”
“Since we found there was nothing wrong with my partner's sperm I feel like it’s all my fault and I’m less of a woman. Now I feel like I don’t want to have sex with him because every time we do and nothing happens I feel useless all over again. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me either but there must be if his sperm is fine”
What’s the problem?
There are lots of reasons why a couple may not achieve a successful pregnancy. Some like chromosomal problems, an incompatibility of blood type an hereditary problem or a physical problem such as being born without eggs or not being able to produce functioning sperm are only treatable with medical help. You may need donor eggs or sperm. You might need surgical correction for something minor like blocked fallopian tubes or retrograde ejaculation
If this is the case then hiding your inability to become pregnant may mean you reach a point where you are past the age where the NHS in your area will provide help meaning you can only receive private treatment.
It’s good to talk
Like other hidden problems such as mental illness infertility is something we don’t discuss which means that it becomes an article of shame. Anything hidden in the dark festers and can become a far bigger problem.
There are many other fertility services out there. I offer herbal medicine and have found that, where there are no physical barriers to pregnancy such as the above it is exceedingly effective. Many people have worked with reflexologists and nutritionists successfully.
What to look for in a practitioner.
· Plenty of information. Do other people recommend them, are they members of a professional association and are they insured?